Tuesday, June 1, 2010

Unsolicited Advice #20: Sex Ed

We would like to address the following post to our nonexistent male readership.

We are unable to recommend unsafe sex.

Regrettable as the condom may be from an aesthetic point of view, health and safety render it indispensable. Here, then, is a list of guidelines for the tasteful supply, disuse, use, and disposal of the sanitary rubber:

(1) If you happen to possess a penis, where ye be, so too let a profuse supply of condoms be (and glycerine-free lube).
(2) Don't flash yer condoms.
(3) When the time is ripe (and we will address the question of relative temporal ripeness when the time for such a discussion itself hangs heavy from the vine), be forthcoming with your condoms. Don't make your sexual interlocutor ask.
(4) Give foreplay its due, but as soon as the zipper of your well-stuffed britches descends (be it by agency of fingers or teeth), pull out the condom.
(5) Be prepared to sheath your own member, but be open to alternatives.
(6) Latex is a parching material. The wearer thereof assumes full responsibility for the application and reapplication of lubricant.
(7) Don't be stingy with your supply. If either orgasm or apathy should occasion an interlude, the lifespan of our latex friend has come to an end. Be prepared with a fresh one for later.
(8) When the sex has arrived at a conclusion, remove the condom and dispose of it (repackaged in its wrapper) in an appropriate receptacle.

Wednesday, April 7, 2010

Unsolicited Advice #19: How to Carry Your Belongings

We support the trend away from shoulder-slung bags on cyclists and pedestrians. Backpacks and fannypacks are much more tasteful, if only because they balance the load on your body. Taking care of yourself is always sexy.

Saturday, November 21, 2009

Threat #2

One of the most tasteless misinterpretations of tact is the currently popular practice of listing prices as whole and mixed numbers without dollar signs. By taking away the common signifiers of price ($ and the format X.XX), hipster cafes can delude themselves into the illusion that they are above the commonness of money.

If you want to subvert the grotesque way our economic system works and are tempted to list your prices in this tasteless manner, the editors of this blog can offer more effective methods of challenge.

Sunday, November 15, 2009

LILEKS.COM



This photograph is one of a delightful collection of 1930's kitchens on display at Lileks.com.

Wednesday, July 15, 2009

Unsolicited Advice #19: Tasteful hospitality

It is always and forever tasteful to offer refreshments to guests upon arrival. Whether you are hosting in your cubicle, your dorm room, or somewhere where you control the kitchen, make sure your guests feel welcome by offering them a little something. Tiny cookies and tea are not your only options. Chips and beer may be more welcome. I know a flawlessly elegant 91 year old woman who informs her guests of the state of her marijuana stash immediately upon their arrival at her palatial 1950's ranch house. Try to tailor your friends to your cupboards or your offerings to your friends. Either way works.

Sunday, June 7, 2009

Sven Markelius

Sven Markelius (1889-1972) was one of the most important modernist Swedish architects and a major forerunner of Swedish functionalism.  He played an important role in the urban planning of post-war Stockholm.  Inspired by Le Corbusier and Bauhaus, the Swedish functionalists presented variations on French styles of functional furniture at the radical Stockholm Exhibition of 1930.




Tuesday, May 19, 2009

Character Assassination #2: Real! Live! Tastelessness!

"The ontological structure of our emotional lives is totally Buddhist inspired."