Sunday, April 26, 2009

Unsolicited Advice #17: Instant Message Etiquette

Nobody likes feeling snubbed.  But with the casualness of the instant messaging medium sometimes one gets involved in a conversation at an inopportune or inconvenient time.  This is particularly true because a conversation can be started by one party without the other party's consent.  The protracted process of polite conversational extrication can in those instances be too much.

We give you permission to sign off abruptly with no real excuse.  

Just be sure to include a salutation and to sign your communication with your initial or name.

Wednesday, April 22, 2009

Announcement #3: "Earth Day" and Dentistry Edition

You and I (and everyone except for Astronauts and astral-projection experts) live on Earth every ever-loving day.  We are dependent on Earth's habitability every ever-loving day.

The Earth is like your teeth.  You need them and use them every day.  So you brush them every day.  If you only brushed your teeth once a year your teeth would fall out.

The Earth is not your teeth.  It's not going to fall out or rot.  Instead it's going to reject us like a healthy immune system rejects a nasty virus.  Or reject us like a reasonable woman rejects a subpar man.  Basically, like the dentally short-sighted child, we're setting ourselves up for failure.

"Earth Day" is not "everyday" when riding your bike is incentivized once a year.  And while I'm on the subject, what's up with giving out non-vegan cookies and free coffee to folks who say they didn't drive?  How does that convince folks to stop living lives dependent on the depletion of the systems that keep our planet habitable?

It doesn't.

"Earth Day" is clearly not "everyday."  "Earth Day" is just plain never.

Tuesday, April 21, 2009

Invite to Opine #3: facebook

This blog's editorial staff is married on facebook.  We find that our faux-union is a pleasing simulacrum of our real-life long term, committed best friendship.  But we also know that marriage is a real state for some folks and that our misapplication of the "relationship type" function on that website is perhaps dishonest.  

What are the taste issues involved in misrepresentation on social networking sites?  

Thursday, April 16, 2009

Unsolicited Advice #18: French Rap

Why not.

Character Assassination #1: Shoes, rouge, and bikes

In the interest of developing a less judgmental tone here on the blog, we have decided to begin the painful process of disclosing our own tastelessness through attacks on our own aesthetic choices.

We are sometimes pretty tasteless here at Practical Aesthetics. We wear too much makeup in the daytime. We use blogger. We use drop bars, gears, and multiple sprockets. We think Denver is cooler than Portland and that Centralia is coolest of all. We go to psychobilly shows in sketchy warehouses and free klezmer shows at the community center. We ride the bus a lot. We carry our things around in canvas bags. We dress inappropriately for the weather. Most days at least one article we’re wearing needs mending. We get our knees muddy, tear the inseam of our right pant legs, get grease on our cuffs, and generally sully our appearances, all without taking the time to change or wash. We bike and text and talk on cell phones on the bus. We are tactless in our questions, in our answers, and in our correspondence. We use facebook. We are unabashedly political about almost everything. We dance like hippies in the 1990’s. We wear too much cologne. We talk too loudly on the street and in restaurants. We sometimes don’t bathe often enough. We wear cowboy boots with men’s 1980’s shorts and those god-awful athletic socks from the 1970’s with dresses. We both own Patty Loveless’ bluegrass album and play it regularly. Sometimes we bring books on dates, just in case. We still like Calvin Johnson’s “Loose Banana.” We wait tables dressed like prom queens, drag queens, and 1950’s housewives on dolls. We show up at our office jobs in ridiculously frilly little dresses, children’s clothes, socks with holes, and last night's makeup still smeared on our faces. We bike in high heels.

The most tasteless thing we do, however, is refer to each other as “my best friend.” We’re 27, folks. And we still have best friends. Nothing could be more pre-pubescent. Except if we wore side ponytails. Which we do.