Thursday, April 16, 2009

Character Assassination #1: Shoes, rouge, and bikes

In the interest of developing a less judgmental tone here on the blog, we have decided to begin the painful process of disclosing our own tastelessness through attacks on our own aesthetic choices.

We are sometimes pretty tasteless here at Practical Aesthetics. We wear too much makeup in the daytime. We use blogger. We use drop bars, gears, and multiple sprockets. We think Denver is cooler than Portland and that Centralia is coolest of all. We go to psychobilly shows in sketchy warehouses and free klezmer shows at the community center. We ride the bus a lot. We carry our things around in canvas bags. We dress inappropriately for the weather. Most days at least one article we’re wearing needs mending. We get our knees muddy, tear the inseam of our right pant legs, get grease on our cuffs, and generally sully our appearances, all without taking the time to change or wash. We bike and text and talk on cell phones on the bus. We are tactless in our questions, in our answers, and in our correspondence. We use facebook. We are unabashedly political about almost everything. We dance like hippies in the 1990’s. We wear too much cologne. We talk too loudly on the street and in restaurants. We sometimes don’t bathe often enough. We wear cowboy boots with men’s 1980’s shorts and those god-awful athletic socks from the 1970’s with dresses. We both own Patty Loveless’ bluegrass album and play it regularly. Sometimes we bring books on dates, just in case. We still like Calvin Johnson’s “Loose Banana.” We wait tables dressed like prom queens, drag queens, and 1950’s housewives on dolls. We show up at our office jobs in ridiculously frilly little dresses, children’s clothes, socks with holes, and last night's makeup still smeared on our faces. We bike in high heels.

The most tasteless thing we do, however, is refer to each other as “my best friend.” We’re 27, folks. And we still have best friends. Nothing could be more pre-pubescent. Except if we wore side ponytails. Which we do.

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